it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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