I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize