I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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