Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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