my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize