No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
