if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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