Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So here I am, sexting at work.
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