Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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