My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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