he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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