so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I believe in your delicious
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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