You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
