Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
