It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
this hospital has no fireball
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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