if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
