Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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