fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
