There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize