Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
