Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
