i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
