Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize