Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
