Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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