And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
