This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
