WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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