If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
