Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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