that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
