see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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