whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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