Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
