The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i came on her dog
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
