she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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