just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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