So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
