they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
