I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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