Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize