Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
