when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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