im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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