Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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