Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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