She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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