i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
