Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
