My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He passed out mid-signature
we're making bets on your personal life
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
