You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
