pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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