your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
