Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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