I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
