my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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