So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
