If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
