Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
