You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She's the barista slut.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
