pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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