he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
