my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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