Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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