then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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