I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
