We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
