Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
