allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
